Jonas was born on September 05, 1983 at 1:05pm, 9lb 3oz  and 17 little inches long, strong and solid as a rock.  He was always full of energy, life and lots of laughs!  He is the only boy of 5, he has 2 older sisters and 2 younger sisters!  He left his sisters and mother heart broken on November 30, 2005.  Jonas was so soft hearted, and loving, he let this world get him down and we all thought he was so tough we didn't notice in time to save him.  Marisa was the last one to hear his voice, probably the last one to hear him say I love you!  He told me he loved me less than 2 hours before he died, I will never forget the sound of his voice that night.  I could feel his pain, but I thought I would get to talk to him when I got home!   Jonas loves with his whole heart, I hope we can all learn to love the way he did!  We  will love him for the rest of our lives!  He took his own life from the ones that love him so much!

   I will add more to this site as I get stronger.  Please feel free to add anything you would like to say to or about Jonas or any of his family.  I try to add something everynight to show my love to my only son, I love him enough that he didn't need to go the way he did, if love could have saved him he would be here today.  I will never understand how or why, I look for answers everyday.  People tell me it will get easier, but I know it won't, do you know how it feels to wake up every day of your life, and several times through out the night and the first thing you remember is that one of your children is gone forever?  You wonder if you can make it through the day, then you remember that you have too because you still have the other children to be here for and they are here for you!  My girls have carried me through this and I hurt for them that they have to do that for me because I know they are hurting too.  My kids were so close they all love each other so much, that they can help me to still laugh sometimes with some of the stories of growing up together!  I never thought I could ever laugh again, but Jonas left us with some great moments, he was such a clown!  It still hurts to laugh because I say to myself how can you laugh with your child dead?  But then I remember how important it was to Jonas to make me and everybody around him to laugh.  I remember how I so enjoyed watching a funny movie  with him because when something funny would happen he would laugh out so loud and then look over at you to see if you were laughing as hard as he was.  He hated scary movies and movies about death, that is one reason I find it so hard to believe he took his own life. 

   Yesterday was so very hard for me because I received his death certificate in the mail before I went to work.  I thought I was going to have to call in, but I made it through the night with only a few tears...... I work with some wonderful people that have been so good for me through all of this.  One of the girls that I work with is giving Felicia a dog for Christmas so she will have company while I am gone to work at night.  Felicia is soooo excited that she can't even keep her voice down when she talks about it!  I think it will be so good for her.  Like I said I work with angels!  They still hurt with me everyday, they don't expect me to GET OVER IT, like some people would.  I thank God for them everyday!  I never dreamed that someone could help support me so much through something like this, they don't share my blood, but they are still family to not only me but us!  There is no end to what they would do to help me to get through the days that I have to deal with.  I love them dearly, and don't know what I would have done with out them!  I thank God that I don't have to find out!

   Some days are harder than others, like yesterday it was Christmas, the first without Jonas.  This site is my way of talking to Jonas and I pray that he can hear me.  I try to remember his life, but his death is still so new in my mind.  I can't get those words out of my mind.  I still can't get my mind to accept the fact that he is not coming back.  I can't stand to even go to the grocery store because he had been staying with me and when I would go I would buy the things he liked to eat.  I always had to have eggs in the house, he loved eggs anyway you could cook them.  He cooked often for me, and would brag about how good it was.  He cooked something for me to eat that day before I went to work, and packed my lunch for that night.  After his death I couldn't eat for 5 days, because when I would think of it I knew he would never cook for me again.  The things that you remember the most are not the things that you imagine that you would.

   Marissa tried to take her life Tuesday night, 27 days after Jonas took his, at first I was cold feeling about it.  I thought it wouldn't have bothered me if she had gone, but Jonas must have come to me some how and changed my mind, I guess now I realize she must be hurting too.  At first I thought how unfair it was that her mother found her in time to save her, and I couldn't save my son.  Then I realized I was glad for her mother that she didn't have to feel the loss that I feel.  Jonas has been in love with Marissa since he was 17, and I guess he still is.  I know that Jonas was not perfect but all he wanted was to be a good father and to be loved, he wanted to settle down and go to church as a family.   Jonas was so forgiving, he never held a grudge toward anybody, he had so much love in his heart.  I hope that if nothing else good comes from this horrible loss, that we can atleast learn to love the way that Jonas did.

Thank you for taking the time to visit Jonas' tribute.